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What I was told to believe about my sexuallity...

was definitely not healthy!

Sex was an issue that was generally avoided throughout my childhood and into my teen years. When it was spoken of, I was supplied with such negative images that it warped my sense of nature, commone sense, and men. Since I was not allowed to be alone around guys my age, I wasn't comfortable with them. I didn't know how to react with members of the opposite sex even when I was "old enough." This made relationships very difficult for me. Because of my problem, I've come to the conclusion that it is best to be open and honest with your children. Sex and sexuality should not be something dirty or something that calls for inhibition. Children should be able to learn about the opposite sex through experience at an early age. When a person is armed with experience, they can make firm decisions, because they have already been faced witht he issue. Children should know the positive and negative sides of both sexes. Proper decision making is made when all sides of the story are covered. Trying to deny children of this background is only going to confuse them.

According to my family, sexual morality was deeply rooted in the tennets of the Roman Catholic Church. Today I am still a devout Catholic, but I must say that I believe that my family misconstrued the meanings at some point. They told me that the sole purpose of sex was to bear children after you were maried. I did not know that sex could be pleasurable. they made it sound disgusting and unclean when they referred to premarital sex as just, "spreading your legs" for a guy. Technically, this was true but this image seems very vulgar and cold to me. This idea totally leaves out any positive emotion that could be felt in this type of exchange. Having a marriage certificate isn't likely to change the feelings of two people that love eachother. While I do plan on getting married someday, I don't think that the marriage certificate in itself is not proof of love. It's only a peice of paper. I believe that a loving couple could encounter a pure and beautiful moment with or without having officially saying vows in the past.

I also learned to hide any part of my body that might reveal my femininity. I was brought up with the notion that all men had furiously raging hormones that they couldn't control and if I wore a skirt above my knee it would make me a walking target for sexual harassment. And it would be justified. Because of this, everything had to be covered. I always wore a loose-fitting shirt that had a tee-shirt or button up collar cover my breasts. I was made to wear long skirts and baggy pants so I didn't show off my hips. For awhile, I thought the female body was something to be embaressed about, something unnatural and evil. Now, through self-respect I realize that the female form is very lovely and isn't anything that needs to be purposely hidden, no matter the shape or the size. I believe that God made both sexes unique and special, which makes our bodies very natural.

The horror stories were the worst of the propaganda. I was told how a boy would leave to take care of my child alone if I became pregnant. This, of course was a scare tactic in hopes of preventing me to have sex. They said that there wasn'st a guy out there who would own up to their mistakes. Because of moral teaching a person wasn't supposed to lessen the risk of getting pregnant with birth control or condoms. That leaves us in quite a bind

Unfortunatly family grew up in a society that had these images deeply impressed in their system. I know that they were only looking out for my best interest, but as I got older I felt a huge need to "live my own life."Well, I found that life through education. Be proud of yourself, of who you are. Don't let anyone tell YOU what's right for you.

 



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